Jab Koi Doosra Nahin Hota

I can't explain it.

I didn't want to go for the Ramadan Toy Drive distributions without Ryz. Even though there was a good reason for him not to go.

I didn't feel the reason why when we were at Jinnah Hospital, having to deal with the red tape involving handing out free goody bags to sick children. Yes there is such a thing as red tape in matters like this.

I didn't feel it when telling the volunteers the disappointing news of not being able to give to the sick children of Jinnah Hospital after all our struggles of getting there.

On the way to Gulab Devi Hospital, I'd called the AMS of Children's Hospital to request an impromptu trip to give away the 80 goody bags we had kept for Jinnah Hospital.

When the AMS gracefully agreed and went out of his way to accommodate us, I was relieved. And yet I didn't know why I felt the void.

In Gulab Devi, everything was a breeze.

Even though I took that nasty stumble, scraped and bruised my (bad) knee. Had all the volunteers rush to help me out.

And the first thing I uttered was, "Is my camera okay?!" Half-seriously, and half-bravely, wanting to distract the volunteers from my injury.

Couldn't explain what I felt even then.

After Gulab Devi, and on the way to Children's Hospital, I checked my camera lens to discover that I had broken the base in the fall. I felt sad.

And yet something was missing. And I knew I couldn't feel sad. Not as yet.

The Children's Hospital trip was a delight. The doctor assigned to us was a kind-hearted man, who took delight in walking to each ward with us and seeing the children smile.

It was truly a pleasure to be there, and a relief to see that all the volunteers had an impromptu trip to make up for the cancellation earlier in the morning.

I climbed up a flight of stairs then, ignoring the sharp pain in my knee. Knowing I had to go on.

Ryz had texted me, and I read his text while taking the kind doctor's phone number. Ryz wrote, "How's it going, good looking?" And I dismissed the text.

We took photographs of each other before heading out our separate ways after that. It was nearly 3 pm. I'd been out since 10:30 am.

Rasham offered us to come over to her place and have omelets for breakfast. I excused myself, saying I want to go home and check up on Ryz.

Dropped Saba home on the way back. Smiling and chatting all the way through.

Came home, settled Arif Bhai's outstanding bills for the day, hobbled to the front door.

And the 4 steps leading to the front door were a mountain each. I could hardly drag my leg to the front door.

Saw Ryz, hugged him. Sat. And the day made sense.

I knew that I need not pretend to be brave or pain-free anymore. I could be myself. Wounded, happy, relieved, exhausted, humbled, sad, happy. All at once.

I moaned and groaned about my scraped knee. Nearly wept about the lens. Moaned some more about my knee joint. Swore never to return to Jinnah Hospital again. Marveled at how enthusiastic the SKANS students were.

The entire day. Became crystal clear.

For that one truth.

Tum meray paas hotay ho goya...